I have these moments. They are far less than an epiphany but more than a light bulb, if you know what I mean. Anyhow, these moments are like fireworks that burst quickly in the sky and fade fast. When I have these moments is usually when I am prompted to write because otherwise the thought or idea is forgotten quickly.
I came here [to my blog] after reading a friend's blog. I was reading through the last entry I posted, and almost relived the anger that I was feeling at that time. This caused me to have one of my moments. A moment of reflection.
My life has been tough. It may have been unfair to blame the exes girlfriend though. Maybe I was just angry or jealous, or maybe even both. I hate how my ex acts and thinks. He is a product of his raising, his family has screwy priorities and a tendency to encourage and enable poor behavior by diverting the attention on to others. I do not like who my ex chose, neither do my children, sadly. But the fact is, its not my decision to make and there is simply nothing I can do about it but accept it and make the best out of the situation. Being angry with him or her distracts me from being the best mom I can be to the two people I love the most in this world, my kids. If he or her fuck up, that's on them. If I fuck up because I let my heart fill with hatred and bitterness, well that's on me.
So.....
Over the past few months I have let it go. I limit how often I see or speak to my ex. When I do speak to my ex I try to keep the subjects light or about the kids. After all there was no point of me leaving or us getting divorced if the kids and us have to contend with constant bickering and fighting right?
Letting go of the anger has been amazing for me. Now I am focusing on my goals better. I am also able to appreciate the milestones I have made in such a short period of time, but that's another story for another post.
SO what is the point of this story?
It is easy as a single mom to get caught up in the victim role, let hate and bitterness consume you. Some of us even go out of our way to make the exes life miserable. That doesn't solve anything, and even the revenge is exacted it only gives you satisfaction for so long before you are right back in the same dark place again. Part of being a good single mom is letting things go and picking your battles. Your babies need you don't choose anger and hatred over loving them and you will be ok.
~Gemini
